Am I old all of a sudden? 22 living in London working my ass off (and doing very well at may I add) as an Account Exec in a small but friendly digital agency in the oh so ladies-what-lunch borough of Wandsworth.

It’s been 6 months since I took the job in London with nowhere to stay and but a week of notice to work out before leaving my car, my family, my cats and my home. Thank god on one hand as anymore time and I may have gone mad with the frustration of leaving uni and living at home with no real promise of what’s next ahead on the other it was comfortable and cheap… Oh so cheap. Now I live on a 20k salary spending half my months wage on rent and the rest on whatever (largely Sainsbury’s) which I probably would have never expected back at uni when I was stressing about how many words I was over my dissertation!

Times change. Currently I am actually on a very delayed South West train to Bournemouth to see my lovely old town and friends who still dwell there. So much to reminisce but now they nearly all live in London with me so hooray for that!

I’ve spent the last few months balancing work/play/life splitting myself over Debenhams(my account), Jay (my bf), trips home, trips away, trips forced into central London when I really wanted to stay in bed all weekend to catch up on sleep. Times really aren’t too bad.

I can’t exactly say it’s been a breeze, my 5 yr relationship is probably teetering on the edge, as is my sanity, as is my liver. But I’m surviving

It’s interesting to think where I could be 6 months from here. More and more now I think I can do anything. Who knows one day I’ll probably just fuck off to New York for a year. Until then I’m really just finding my feet with my situation changing all the time, like now for instance my dwellings contract is up for renewal and so I may move in with a friend who just started working here too.

Who knows? For now I’m just going to roll with it. If you have any ideas of how to stay sane and keep in control of a hectic life let me know

Much love

It certainly has been a while hasn’t it? That’s because I haven’t been moping around like an unemployed bum and have been a busy bee temping at Sowdens, an agency local to me. Having been thrown in initially to cover admin I have become engrossed into the clients we have and getting involved; particularly Hull College which is pretty much my baby at the moment however the big one we have been stressing, sweating and crying over most recently has been Hull BID’s Fashion Week in all it’s glory!

Wow organising an event is tiring! Poor Polly!

In terms of activity these past couple of weeks have been where it all began; firstly we got the Street Teams to get going around spreading the word armed with millions of leaflets and a protest banner!

After sending out the street teams we began the hefty process of promo material distribution, here are the posters, beer mats and leaflets we had delivered to the local businesses, pubs, bars and restaurants specifically those in the area of the event venue.

Once the word had been spread through the necessary manners; promotional material, street teams, Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/HullBidFashionWeek, Media partners, Shopping Centre involvement there was a need for a final buzz. This is where the bus comes in.

Here is the bus, we hired this from our local Bus Service plastered with branding, balloons, banners teamed with the most gorgeous Saturday weather in ages as well as a local football game and many many beer gardens on our routes we shouted down Hull with music, cheerleaders complete madness! The final runs went with Burlesque ladies as you can imagine that certainly caused a fuss!

Once our PR stunt was over it was time to get down to the VIP la dee dah stuff Firstly was the Official VIP Launch Party held in the beautiful Holy Trinity Church, the venue for the official Finale Event we organised. All the local businesses involved were invited, speeches were made, canopes were eaten and lots of cupcakes!

Now finally after working through the Royal Wedding (yes I know!) the day of the Finale Event arrived! Everything was set we had lots of good press coverage of our previous PR stunt on the bus along with many other extras we were putting out in order to gain as much attention as possible.

The Finale Event

Donned in our branded Fashion Week t-shirts, radios and badges we set to work!

The Fashion Shows commenced on the hour every hour each with a different theme, even the local mascots turned up presented by a local radio station’s Breakfast host, coupled with a multitude of things going on; boutique stalls, a local charity had an area of events, a clothes swap took place as well as in between acts of dancers on the main stage. Here are some of my favourite pictures of the day;

The day was a huge success and truly exhausting! After the day’s events we moved on to the Official VIP Afterparty held at Lizard Lounge courtesy of the lovely Carl-Conway Davis This event was themed once more with the lovely Scarlett Belles Burlesque ladies who hosted the nights events and even sold a cocktail in their name – which was yum! Photographs with the girls were available as well as a couple of floor shows which were amazing.

Once more here are my favourite pics;

So that was Hull BID Fashion Week, a tiring but rewarding event for all! Well done to all involved especially Polly who literally breathed HBFW throughout the whole process!

x

“With explicit reference to ideology, critically evaluate the extent to which the recent Diesel ‘Be Stupid’ campaign attempts to shape or mirror its target audience.”

…see what you think?

To introduce, this essay will critically evaluate the discussion as to whether the Diesel campaign “Be Stupid” indeed shapes or mirrors its target audience, with explicit reference to ideology. Initially this essay will explore the implicit intentions behind Be:Stupid and evaluate the methods that appear to have been used. Those methods such as narrative, stereotyping, commodity fetishism and reification will be discussed as to whether they assist Diesel in shaping or mirroring its audiences with close reference to ideology.

Firstly in order to critically evaluate this campaign, it is important to learn about what Diesel is in fact offering its audiences as a brand and also exploring into their exclamation to ‘be stupid’.

Diesel uses storytelling or narrative as a method to relate the images to the philosophy ‘Be Stupid’ within this campaign’s advertising strategy. Cobley (2001:4) quotes Appleseed from a Sunday Times article (1999) of storytelling within the context of everyday lives.

“We tell stories to ourselves; of our journey from birth to death, friends, families, who we are and who we want to be…they console us make our lives meaningful by placing us in something bigger than ourselves.”

Organised stories seem intrinsic to the “fabric of everyday existence” says (Forester, 1962) cited Cobley (2001.) It would appear that stories are as much a part of everyday human life as advertising is, and so it is not a coincidence that advertising uses them to their advantage. Telling stories requires a collective audience where everyone will then understand what is communicated quickly and easily. Diesel tells stories of a way of ‘life’ and has been told, in a way so that it appears attractive and aspirational to their target audiences.

However it could be argued that narrative is more likely the method Diesel has employed here,not storytelling as according to Cobley (2001) “narrative is different from ‘story’ or ‘plot’.” Narrative, he says, “is the showing or the telling of these events and the mode or vehicle for which that takes place,” in this case that vehicle is advertising.

Regarding the argument in debate, narrative chooses which elements it wishes to show and tell creating a strongly crafted message, essentially like all advertising. Controlling what elements are to be in and out of adverts could be said as attempting to shape audiences as their true reflection is not being clearly presented. It is what is being re-presented (Cobley, 2001) “which allows some things to be depicted and not others.” The notion of Diesel re-presenting images and retelling narratives of ‘stupid’, is creating a pop culture which its collective audience can recognise.

The advantage for Diesel is that narrative is often taken for granted or appears to be ‘naturalised’. Narrative is simply a sign that is portrayed within a meaningful sequence which audiences attribute meaning to. Regarding ‘Be Stupid’ Diesel has created a narrative to get its audiences to look at ‘stupid’ in a different way, by representing it as an aspirational marker using signification. Therefore advertising mythologises certain narratives to an almost folkloric status, Diesel’s version of stupid will never replace the actual adjective in terms of traits; but their advertising will maintain the myth to validate to their audience and themselves what Diesel has to offer. However regarding myths, the appeal to audiences is epistemological and so they see themselves in the narrative and stories told. This would support an argument that Diesel is mirroring audiences, including them in the narrative. An example from the campaign would be [SEE APPENDIX 4], the recruitment of 100 ‘stupid’ acts asked of audiences to contribute to a Youtube / Facebook competition. The winners are to be rewarded for their ‘stupid’ behaviour by being offered a place in their video catalogue at the end of 2010 (Tayebot, 2010.)

Marx refers to this naturalised and often taken for granted narrative as “reification”; a form of social consciousness in which human relations can be identified with physical properties of objects and ultimately acquiring a false feeling of naturalness (Burris, 2005.) Unsurprisingly ideology embraces ‘reification’ i.e. ideas of a naturalised social relation as “it can be argued as a reification all of itself” (Eagleton, 1996) validating its place within advertising and society.

“The pervasive influence of advertising within society has drawn many researchers to the view that advertising constitutes a powerful ideological force within consumer culture.” (Elliott and Ritson et. Al, 1997) cited Kelly, Lawlor & O’Donohoe (2005)

With regards to ‘reification’ and realism, Diesel has a portrayed a very abstracted idea assuming that “stupid” is how its audiences should be without questioning it. Integrating advertising ‘realistically’ into lifestyles is simply using narrative, by relying on representation and signification to control the reality which is conveyed. The way that audiences or readers understand and conclude meanings from texts is very significant as to how they interpret the advertising message on offer. This could see Diesel neither shaping nor mirroring audiences but simply trying to appeal to them through the use of socially significant, cultural references.

The iconography instructed by Diesel adds to the narrative it aims to construct; with many images young attractive models, fun loving and sexually liberated has collectively formulated a generation of ideas and integrated them within the commodities of Diesel products. For example, [SEE APPENDIX 2a] supported by the tagline,“If we didn’t have stupid thoughts. We’d have no interesting thoughts at all.” Presenting a young male perched on the trunk of an elephant, this evidently represents the visual idea of carefree and the linguistic idea of a unique point of view which Diesel is offering with ‘Be Stupid’.

It is believed by Marx, that commodities are consumed to achieve individuality and an expression of oneself much like what Diesel offers here. (Williams, 1980) believed that material objects were never enough as it was the premise of what goods mean that were sought to be achieved not the goods themselves. With reference to Diesel the promise to their audience is that of a lifestyle which incurs no responsibilities but acquires a life of free expression.

The idea or ideology of this told through Diesel’s narrative is illusionary and can never be obtained truthfully or physically through consumption of products. This is a promise reified through advertising and ideology, which Marx argued made the proletariat (audience) innocent and taken advantage of by capitalist society (Diesel) that will commodify anyone or anything it can.

For example [SEE APPENDIX 1a] the young couple appear playful and due to the setting and lack of clothing also assuringly promiscuous. The signification that Diesel has created through this imagery further backs up their claim, that being ‘stupid’ under their manifesto equates to less boundaries allowing a more creative and primitive self to exist without constraint. Referring directly to the ideological inferences through the visual metaphors provided, Diesel are guilty of attempting to shape their audiences.

This campaign relies heavily on the utter belief and reinforcement of the philosophy itself; admitting it too is ‘stupid’ and offering evidence of what a ‘better’ life its audiences could have. Proven through a story told about the Diesel CEO Renzo Rosso; who was initially ‘stupid’ for selling second hand looking jeans as new, leading to him to build the Diesel name (Tayebot, 2010.) Here it would seem that Diesel is even trying to shape itself in order to appeal to its audiences, by affixing the new philosophy of stupid upon their entire brand tonality. Would this mean then that it is more likely mirroring society and altering itself accordingly?

It appears that Diesel is attempting to create a social value within its audience; ‘behave non-conformist and you’ll be happy’ almost a Freudian analogy (Tayebot, 2010) by obeying the ‘id’. The philosophy seems to be determined much like an ideology, using the text i.e. this campaign, to structure its audiences beneficially for the brand (Lotman, 1982.) Marxist interpretation of ideology would argue the process of producing ideas and values such as this is producing culture, as demonstrated by the quote below.

“Advertising agencies are institutions where cultural meanings, where cultural creativity and commercial business objectives co-exist and collide and the discourses of capitalism and culture become enmeshed and intertwined.” (Kelly, Lawlor & O’Donohoe, 2002)

This quote highlights how intentions of brands such as Diesel are attempting to create culture to their advantage, and provides a pro argument for the idea of Diesel shaping its audiences for obvious benefits.

Diesel:Be Stupid consists of around 40 images each constructing situations of what Diesel believes to be ‘stupid’ behaviour and the benefits of this proposed lifestyle. These are further anchored by the 15 taglines that are often repeated over these images. For example “Stupid is Trial and Error. Mostly Error.” [SEE APPENDIX 1a] “Stupid Might Fail. Smart Doesn’t Even Try” [SEE APPENDIX 2b.] “Smart Says No. Stupid Says Yes.” [SEE APPENDIX 3b]

Diesel have formulated stories or wisdoms, even ideologies, of what ‘smart’ and ‘stupid’ are according to their beliefs. Essentially Diesel has reversed ‘smart’ to ‘stupid’ in its conventional known sense and through signification of models behaviour and appearance audiences will understand just as Diesel intends.

For example; “Be Stupid and you’ll have more sex” [Diesel Catalogue, 2010.] and “Smart may have the brains. But stupid has the balls” [SEE APPENDIX 3a.] both see ‘stupid’ as the more attractive, original, daring, exciting and popular as it is associated with perceived preferable behaviour and traits that could be obtainable to its audiences for example, “Smart Critiques. Stupid Creates” [SEE APPENDIX 1b.]

These stereotypes are very simplified and the campaign could be seen as ‘dumbing down’ audiences as a result of this. Marx made an argument for ‘stupefying the masses’ which he exclaimed was due to ‘false consciousness’ or ‘ideological consciousness” (McLellan, 1971.) False consciousness to Marx, was based on the idea that a capitalist society is misleading to the proletariat in this case Diesel’s target audience. As a result of ideological control from those with power i.e. Diesel, audiences are misled without knowledge or awareness of such occurrences. (Eagleton, 1996) Clearly Marxist thought would believe that Diesel are indeed attempting to shape their audiences into being ‘stupid’; because they hold the position of power over their unsuspecting audiences and disperse their created ideologies onto them through their commodities.

Audiences are hopefully not so naïve and can possibly understand advertisements for what they are. The idea of ‘smart’ versus ‘stupid’ seems to be more about changing perceptions of the terms involved, than blindly categorising and controlling consumers however there is still an obvious intention. Audiences can also use stereotypes as referents to decode adverts to quickly identify the stories being told, and therefore can decode the message as Diesel primarily intended.

The role of advertising here has been used to present imaginary lifestyles associated with the products on offer and follows what (Messaris, 2002) believes the three main roles of advertising are with regards to visual persuasion. Firstly to stimulate the appearance of real, in this case reifying the new meaning of ‘stupid’ audiences as a natural conquest of society. Secondly as photographic ‘proof’, reinforcing the creation of ‘real’ and incessantly attempting to prove it to audiences. Thirdly, to make an implicit link between product and image; the link being here to highlight the attractiveness of not only the models within the images but also their attitude and lifestyles and aligning with the product.

By also introducing an opposing way of behaving i.e. ‘smart’, incites an idea of ‘other’ [Saarni and Harris, 1989] and what the audience should negatively differentiate themselves from. During the industrial revolution the role of advertising was to educate audiences to become consumers to make sense of a new type of living through advertising texts at the time. Essentially this isn’t too different from what Diesel is attempting with ‘Be Stupid’. However being a consumer is so natural to audiences now, particularly young audiences, that it has almost become naturalised or ‘normal’.

With reference to the evidence so far, the way that Diesel has constructed its philosophy would appear very much an attempt of shaping its audience. The very baseline of this campaign is imperative; simple, short and to the point; “BE STUPID!” Aligning this with a proposed lifestyle or ideology of a lifestyle containing strong iconography and visual metaphors of: breaking the rules,loosening the boundaries and consequently having more fun, further reiterates Diesel attempting to shape its audience by offering them an image of a way of life that is imitable and glamorous.

On the other hand could the argument for Diesel be, if advertising promoting ideologies is naturalised within audience’s perceptions, would they see them as simply that, advertisements, and not necessarily believe them for what they portray. Within this line of thought could it be Diesel is in fact mirroring what is already there in order for audiences to relate to the reality they see in texts, but glamorised through methods such as sexual imagery and unrealistic narratives.

According to Williamson (1978) advertising intentionally reflects i.e. mirrors “human reality” due to its natural and overwhelming presence in everyday lives. Williamson (1978) provides an argument for a self-reflective advertising system which assigns human values to products in order to promote purchasing and satisfy a non-material need. Essentially the proposal Williamson makes is that; “…advertising sells us ourselves, or at least what we would like ourselves to be…” making a good case for Diesel constructing its advertisements within the Be:Stupid campaign to include human values alike those of audiences. Not literally likening its audiences to stupid people but to all those attributes it wishes to align with their new philosophy / ideology of ‘stupid’ i.e. brave, original, cool etc. and dismissing any qualities associated with ‘smart’ i.e. stuffy, geeky, straight-laced.

To conclude, Diesel has constructed a very controversial yet simplified campaign which will stand out and shout to their audiences. Understanding how they will respond is not for this essay to decide; however it must be noted this will have a large affect upon how audiences negotiate the desired meanings and how much they believe them to be real.

By deciphering what appear to be Diesel’s advertising objectives or intentions and exploring the methods, which seem most prominent within this argument this essay makes a stronger argument that in fact Diesel is attempting to shape its audiences. Firstly, looking at the narrative within the advertisements of Be:Stupid; these consisted of aspirational and imitable models who not only physically seemed appealing but their portrayal of Diesel’s ‘stupid’ behaviour also reinforced this. Using clear stereotypes and caricaturing ‘smart ‘against ‘stupid’ made the idea seem very contrived and a clear attempt of shaping its audiences, mainly due to the promises offered in return. Moreover through other methods added to the narrative such as strong iconography, visual metaphors and supporting this offered lifestyle.

As Ideology is largely a Marxist term, it was accepted that this illusionary lifestyle was portrayed to audiences as real or reified. Ultimately Marx would argue this was solely for the benefit of capitalism and that Diesel has created an ideological consciousness for which its audiences will follow, in the pursuit of the unobtainable promised lifestyle. Following Marxist ideological theory, Diesel has created culture by ‘inventing’ a new form of ‘stupid’ and then enticing or shaping audiences to adhere through false premise and fetishised commodities.

The strongest contra argument linked to the point made initially, how audiences relate to ideology within advertisements. Advertising is indeed a part of everyday lives and is more than likely taken for granted; however they can be understood as nothing more and so would not have the desired effect Diesel wishes. Whatsmore it provides the strongest case for Diesel having to mirror society and include audiences as they have with their Facebook recruitment idea.

Ideology and advertising are two words that some would argue do not function without one other; however is it that advertising portrays ideologies or that advertising is simply ideological. With regards to the Diesel Be Stupid, the campaign has gone out of it’s way to produce a new philosophy or perhaps ‘ideology’ at it’s audience with an imperative tone and encouraging a new perspective upon the behaviour of stupidity. This largely print based campaign has gathered approximately 40 images under 15 taglines all in the name of this philosophy portraying stupid against ‘smart’ with all assigned significations and stereotypes aligned as stupid becoming the most popular, original and ironically “genius” compared with that of smart as the polar opposites.

Diesel as a brand has a certain reputation for being particularly controversial, referred back to within this current campaign; in the form of an allegiance to Renzo Rosso and his success based on a so-called “stupid” idea of selling old looking jeans as new perhaps this was less stupid and actually more originality which is evidently what Diesel want their audience to absorb.

So does Diesel actually shape its audience or in fact mirror it? Well if you were to analyse the imperative style of copywriting one would have to agree there is a definite attempt in defining certain behaviours and adjectives that it’s audience ‘should’ be in order to qualify for the label of ‘stupid’. With examples of taglines such as “be stupid and you’ll have more sex” and “smart has the brains, but stupid has the balls” implicitly infers that without following the proposed behaviours idealised by Diesel audience members one will qualify as the opposite of what Diesel names ‘stupid’ i.e. stuffy, geeky, never trying, conformist and square. Ironically one must point out here that by attempting to shape it’s audience and calling for them to follow the rules as it were then unknowingly audiences will be doing exactly that, conforming.

In the early beginnings of advertising as we know it today, it is proposed that within the modernist era advertising fulfilled an educative role of teacher audiences to become consumers. One could argue that these implicit behaviour shaping from Diesel could be following a similar role for their advertising; educating their audiences what they need to be, look like and behave like in order to earn the brand’s associations. Modernist advertising followed this idea based on a community of shared meanings, much like today’s youth audiences which is the obvious target for this particular campaign.

So this post is really to celebrate the utter ingeniousness of Specsavers, it occured to me the other day after being drawn into one of their amazingly quirky TV advertisements ‘wow’ this brand never fails to impress me. As far as I am aware most of their creative is done in-house which is really impressive due to the brilliance of their ideas without getting too lost in the brand (seeing past the end of their nose type issues) as some clients can do.

What inspires me is that their campaign is based on that very simple and wonderful ‘nugget’ (my old Lecturer would have said) that audience’s “Should have gone to Specsavers” and this idea has been carried through years and years however each demonstration of this pinnacle is pure brilliance. How can a brand get away with so many different ads all completely different style but all inferring the same very simple amazingly effective piece of information baffles me. Hats off to you, as a tribute I would like to offer some of my favourites below, enjoy!

I said there could be some optimism to follow my dreary former posts, I do apologise I will try keep it off the air in the future!

Lots going on and even if nothing comes of it, I am still revelling in the chance of an exciting life or resemblance of one.

Since we last spoke I have now become a doley bum (eeeek) I always said I wouldn’t but times are hard and I am taking advantage of having the extra help. Plus money has disappeared! The way I like to make a better scenario of it is to dress my best and look expensive when I go and do lots of good homework and job searching to look like their best ever client. Top of the class!

I have job opps all over the bloody country I need to get my head into perspective. So regarding the Bournemouth opportunity I am still waiting for them to arrange face to face interviews, I rang to catch up with them today as they have been busy bees by the sound of it and need to push back initial promised dates.

Over the weekend I took a shot and applied to a graduate marketing job in my local area, this was consequently through a recruitment agency whom I met with today. The lovely and very poorly lady I met with was very flattering and gave great promise that I would be a good candidate for the opportunity I applied for which is a marketing assistant for a heating company. She also is offering to keep me in mind for account exec jobs for any local agencies be that there aren’t many.

Also remember Helena? She is my lovely other recruitment lady from Leeds and rang me today with a possible opportunity in Publicis Leeds and also wants to catch on my life which there has been a lot go on since we last spoke. To be honest my search in the Leeds / Sheff area has become thinner after my heart was stolen to Bournemouth and I have some premise of a job at home for a bit. So I will have to see when I can get in touch with her again I feel stretched across the country being nibbled everywhere but not tugged yet. Ha.

This past week I have spent non stop with Jay who also recently lost his job so it has been uneventful to say the least however he has gone home now via Sheffield to apply for jobs. This saddens me as we still haven’t reached an agreement on the Bournemouth – Sheffield query; what can follow is more anxiety and worry and general pulling of the hair.

I am hopeful March is my month. Thank god for the dole as I have a hen night and wedding to attend! Vive le Mars!

xoxo

I do hope to eventually bring you some sort of joyful post about all my wonderful success but you know I am still waiting for that, until then I am afraid you will have to wait just like me and put up with my self prescribed blog rants (it medicates me.)

I wonder if from that opening you get some sort of understanding about my impatience, I hate being so pinickity and irritating but imagine actually being me and feeling all this. I digress…

So the job hunt goes on but I have to say I have my eye on a particular one and it is probably something I wouldn’t have imagined myself going first but I am glad that I applied and have achieved a face to face interview in Bournemouth in a week or so.

Currently this job is assessing my references, which I hope are all well I contacted the lovely Alex from Mediacom and she said she would sort something first thing next week by herself or maybe Jerry who’s now director of MBA (welldone Jerry). My others I know will be fine, I gave her the contacts of my last boss the lovely Sheila and my ex course tutor Richard who has a brilliantly relevant background in client side and was very gracious with advice following an email entitled ‘Hello, Remember me?’.

So since I last blogged about my recent redundancy I have the frustration of waiting for ‘big’ jobs ,I like to call them, i.e. marketing jobs or careers. This waiting is in the midst of me having nothing much to do in my days apart from applying to big jobs and ‘shit jobs’ i.e. temporary money making jobs in order to save for consequent big jobs.

Well my exercise regime has stepped a notch I guess but I am rather losing the will, I don’t do well with so much time on my hands it makes me too inwardly focused as you can tell and the lack of business drives me around the bend. I like nothing more than to be so tired when I get home I can just dive to sleep, right now I am getting plenty of the stuff and would gladly give it away for money should anyone come asking.

Another thing that has been bothering me this past week has been friendships, I mean they are far and far between nowadays it’s impossible to organise anything because only those who care give a crap. I have a close friend who has been part of my close knit circle since probably year 6 and for his second year in Uni went to Japan for the year. On leaving we had a blast staying at my London digs when I was on placement going out to Electric Ballroom with the rest of Camden scum followed by Fallafel King or whatever they called it and a short 168 bus ride home everything was hunky.

Now let me highlight this friend was never one to be hugely great at organising friends and getting in touch but we always made a once a term trip at Uni when he was in the UK so what would change right? Well it was exactly that impossible to arrange for us all to go out for one of our birthdays and since then has been followed by extreme limited conversation and then silence. Not even a happy birthday on the old Facebook wall, I had to have it out the other day and say WTF?

So after a little chats me and this group of friends decide to meet up today for a nice brunch at 10, our favourite cafe in town. Well guess what he’s postponed until tomorrow. Now I aren’t usually one to give up on a friendship but my patience is wearing, how little can we mean to him? This isn’t just about him being shit any more he manages to see another group of friends he was close to in our year, he threw one of them a bloody party!

Now after a rant I just wanted to ask what makes people want to shed such close friends? I am desperately clinging on to my good ones with my nails truly dug in. I see Keira at least every Tuesday for a regular update of brews, gossip and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, she’s been my friend since I was 8 and is currently engaged to be married next month. Sophie is my DVD night partner which we arrange every couple of weeks to catch up and enjoy each others company, she has a boyfriend now so she isn’t as readily available but that’s perfectly understandable. Steph is a bit naughty as she is a student still, living only 18 miles away however but still makes the effort for the right occasion.

That is it really, at home. Sad right? I have other friends but none as close as these and it makes my already isolated suffocating land of impatience seem much more desperate.

OK. RANT OVER. I am sorry!

Keep posted for better news next week? (there’s my optimism)

Welcome to the wonderful and fun blog that is my life.

Oh dear what a weekend it has been, I am physically and emotionally drained! What started off as a fun yay happy exciting Friday (my 22nd) spent all day alone at work with a little visit from my mum and nan with handmade cake (yes!) followed by a yum meal at the Lemon Tree with what friends bothered to come. This then meant what little and pathetic amounts of wine I had on Friday left me an insomniac and consequently a bloody train wreck for the next day at work (9:30am start.)

After a long long long day accompanied by life’s worst known migraine I quickly rushed to get the train to Sheffield. This was nice, wagamamas on arrival, boyfriend 4 star hotel Lush presents (literally from Lush, hence the capital) followed by midnight cocktails and dirty chips and curry sauce for pudding. That was the good bit, the following night’s unsleep after more alcohol lead to a zombified me content on mooching around the vintage shops and then going for the BEST thai dinner ever at £8.50 for 2 meals you cannot go wrong!!!

SO, let’s cut to it. I got the phonecall, the one I had been ignorantly anticipating and secretly dreading; it would seem the shop is closing tonight…for good. Thanks for the notice boss! So I am in Mookau, a cute shop full of nice things I can no longer afford. FUCK!

On the upside I had a telephone interview today which is for a job I am not fully acquainted with but am eagerly excited to get stuck in. It’s a client side role, based as a Marketing Assistant in Bournemouth. Moving back there would be so so wonderful and this job just has so much involved I love the sound of it and hooray have made it to a beautiful face to face interview. Which means a lovely trip to Bournemouth without monies. Ha!

So in one way I am so incredibly tired after an antagonising and uncomfortable sleep again, slightly stressed at my mini credit card bill sat there but on the other hand I am extremely excited! All this is just to much for me I need a bed, someone throw me in one please?

Yet more drone to listen to about my life! Wonderful for you I am sure…

However I thought (for my benefit more than yours) to write down my recent successes and downfalls would help me get a better idea of what I need to do and how to move forward.

My situation is not exactly enviable, out of University for 6 months and full time employed in a shop oh dear am I doomed for a life such as that of an aspiring actress? as Jimmy Carr would mock. Firstly I left Uni in Bournemouth after the stress and tears of 3rd year, now I hear you question my ability to combat the stresses of an Advertising job but let me assure you it was the Campaign Planning, report writing and presentations I enjoyed and performed best at. There ain’t no better punishment for a pissing about in 1st year than a DISSERTATION, nobody deserves that unless they enjoy that rubbish.

I digress, so after a I ran away from Bournemouth and came home with the magical idea of getting a ‘shit’ job to save money for a prospective moving out when I got my job in London. I even got an interview with Rocket, part of the PHD globe but now as I look back I was incredibly nervous and definitely not ready however I stayed optimistic, one of my many talents.

Having decided to take a couple of months off job searching and just enjoy being home, I think it took about 2 weeks for me to start getting suicidal. Here’s why, I live in the smallest town in Yorkshire which is only accessible to the outside world by a 40min drive or 1 hour EXPENSIVE bus journey. Thankfully I have a car but with not much promise of using it farther than this (apart from the occasional drive to North Wales where my beloved lives, but that’s another story.) Living this life is incredibly suffocating and makes me very inwardly focused and so strains my optimism with the occasional outburst of impatience and a sense of no control about my life.

Now understanding my life as it stands still to this day, poor me sniff, when visiting friends at Sheffield me and Jay (my beloved) decided it may be nice to think about living there for a year or so and then moving to London. What with the extreme cost of living in London and my absolute lack of saving ability from my current job this seemed a great idea, Jay went to Uni there and I love going there for it’s amazing vintage shops and cool bars – ALL HAIL DIVISION STREET – plus it is up to us both getting jobs to finally move in together after living 4 years as a long distance couple.

I managed to find this incredible company called ‘Network Marketing’ with the main rep I contact being Helena whom I love as not only is she great at finding me interviews she is also very lovely. So it turns out that there are way more jobs in Leeds for advertising than Sheffield and it means an hour commute on trains or manic drive down the M1 everyday at rush hour. This is quite a blow but I stay hopeful and force myself to think I can cope with this in order to work as this is what I am desperate for.

My first knock back was an agency called Legard Jepson, a really cool little agency situated actually near Sheffield a drive I would have been all too happy to do but my lack of experience (the bugger) is something which they found someone better for. Shame really they seemed like a nice agency.

Moving on was Gratterpalm, a very stylish agency in Leeds 5 mins from the centre by train who were offering a month internship paid as a normal 16k earner would get which I thought was fabulous as a.more experience and b. monies!!! I was interviewed by Anna Brown a lovely lady who put me at ease and I realise now just how much more relaxed I felt than I did at Rocket. I was ready. Once more my lack of experience came as a blow and they chose someone else, only to my delight as the following week Helena called with an Account Exec position opened at Gratterpalm. Wonderful I thought! This time it wasn’t my experience which hindered me, they said I was too creative???? They actually thought the position may hinder me. ARGGHHH!

Luckily not long after I had an interview for an agency in Leeds 10mins away from Gratterpalm, in Headingley where I met with Steve Sowden and Nikki Gray oh and also lovely Glen the MD who popped in for a bit. Intimidating what? So it must’ve went well as I got a second interview hooray! I had to do a simple presentation on what I though about their client La Redoute’s website. Easy peasy I thought I do lots of online shopping so I know what it out there, after spending hours finding a fun and different way to present it I went with mood boards / paper drawings and Mr. Men to represent their customers. After a heartbreaking 3 week wait I was told others were being considered who had more experience. That little bastard experience of mine!

Big blow for me and then there was Christmas. Feeling like I am living in limbo always striving and wondering when I am going to get my big break, life went on. Very recently last week I returned back to he wonderful Bournemouth, my home of 3 years during University actually moved me when I came back having been away since Graduation in November. This was confusing, when I left in November I had some closure the course was over we all met up and went out to celebrate. But this time it felt different, like I was coming home for real.

Me and Jay hadn’t abandoned the idea of Sheffield as Helena was still checking in with me every week or so to update me on how things are going Leeds/Sheffield way. However I cannot explain how I felt approaching Bournemouth on the ever familiar A338 on my rail replacement bus from Southampton Parkway. I still have very good friends who live there now and have jobs in agencies, this made Bournemouth look different to when we were students. People lived in different houses and had new routines, but it was still so familiar and so beautiful I had the feeling of sadness and homesickness (which I am not used to) so strongly it was bizzare. I truly did not want to leave. I devised the plan of after my months notice I would consider asking my friends to get me work experience at their agencies. My friend Liza noted there were positions of Account Exec going at her agency ‘Thinking Juice’ a brilliant agency winning awards like nobody’s business.

I explained to Jay the feeling I had for Bournemouth, he understood and loved it just as much as me when visiting endlessly to my Uni home. So I applied for the job there and a few others and am balancing between Sheffield and Bournemouth. I wouldn’t be unhappy in either of these places as they both have pros and cons however I just want to get into advertising so badly. I feel I am wasting all that time, effort (and money) I gave to Uni and I know I can do it. My love for advertising is the only thing that keeps me optimistic and driving forward.

For now though I play the waiting game, constantly applying between my two homelands of choice and fingers crossed life will change soon.

Much love

I have set myself some goals however as my mind works best that way, using this resolution as an umbrella aim under which my ‘objectives’ reside.

Firstly I have some goals I would like to achieve before my 22nd birthday which is actually exactly one month away, didn’t actually realise this until now. OK better get a move on writing this so I can hurry up and accomplish my goals.

So by FEBRUARY 4TH 2011 -

-This person WILL have lost a stone.

Having lost 7lbs before Christmas I am most disgusted with myself for putting half of that back on again during the festive period even after trying my hardest to not be too bad. So I haven’t yet decided or not whether this stone will be just another half to what I already lost or another complete stone. I would like this but I am not quite sure how my will power is holding up after already having dieted a month prior to Christmas.. We shall see.

-Get at least one big job interview

Having undergone 3 of these and enjoyed everyone of them each being great experiences and one even gaining me a second interview however to no avail due to lack of experience, it’s always the same. If I can get at least one other of these before my birthday that would be amazing, clearly I aren’t expecting a job but I am always hopeful.

-Have a reunion with the uni girls before they bugger off travelling

Unfortunately some already have! However I am keen to arrange a little Bournemouth get together (as I am always the one arranging things) for us to catch up and generally see how each other’s lives are doing. Not all of them are as sad as me and have nothing much to report, most of them have exciting lives with careers and new opportunities thrust upon them. Lucky cows!

-Tone legs more

This ties in with my weight loss agenda but also is due to my new wearing of baggy jumpers and leggins, they look so much better with skinnier legs. Vain I know but thems the rules!

BY THE END OF 2011

> Become employed in a big job

As aforementioned this is probably my main chase of the year and will be the bain of my life for the next few months as I get right on it. It is what I want the most and really cannot wait any longer partly also because I actually hate living at home.

>As a result of the above get a flat in Sheffield

Having already looked a million times at what’s available I am very excited at this prospect. Lots of lovely places to live in a city that me and my man both love for it’s young and cool culture, amazing vintage shopping and cute little bars.

>Also as a result of above sort my car out

My poor dinosaur of a Corsa (X reg) named Timmy for those who don’t know.. with his lack of power steering and roaring engine. I am truly attached to him but having had him since I passed my test nearly 5 years ago he has done me 45,000 miles of travels and barely given me any troubles. Therefore as a result of gaining a larger steady income I am considering part exing him for a slightly better but not too expensive car on finance. It is truly going to be a sad day for all.

>Exercise more creative outlets

When I was 8 I used to write songs and in when I was 14 I liked writing and drawing, but now I do barely anything any more I blame my iPhone. So I am forcing myself into creative textiles; knitting, crochet and sewing for a start, followed by more drawing and painting. I am excited about the prospect of making things reminds me of my cutting and sticking days in primary school where you have the safety scissors and lovely PVA that you can feel off your hands all day after.

>KITTENS

Possibly my most longed for goal and likely to be the longest off as it is resultant also of the job and flat scenario some may say it’s idealised but ssssh. Me and Jay LOVE kittens, and cats we have always discussed that we wanted 2, one black called Bubbles and one grey called Baubles. Probably for the whole 4 years we have been together this has been the most consistent of our future plans and so it would be really quite nice to have them in our new life together.

That is my 2011 essentially, maybe at the end of the year I will post an update on here as to how my year went. Who knows I may end up in Mexico with wild goats in trees…

Apart from being very naughty with foods and treats before having to fit myself into my graduation dress I was in need of a serious diet reassessment. I am the worst person for dieting I am rubbish at sticking to things, usually I do lots of exercise and then treat myself thinking “oh well, I’ve been going to the gym” or I’ll be eating very well and find no time to do the gym thing as well.

Getting my lazy fat ass up and going is the hardest part, living at home is no help. During the last year of uni I was rigorous with what I bought allowing no temptations in my shelf on the fridge and doing exercise classes after uni. I am a creature of routine and a rupture in this causes uproar and ruins all my supposed good work. I aren’t huge I know, just annoyingly a little bigger than I want. The stubborn stone as it were.

Thanks for that first year of uni. Thanks.

Apart from being unhappy about how I look, there is actually a small health issue on the side where recently I have been noticing more and more that I suffer from similar symptoms to that of ‘celiacs’. I haven’t had this medically confirmed however after undertaking a very strict diary of what I eat (horrible believe me) then it would seem wheat is a slight issue for me.

So after cutting down on white carbs to try and avoid any symptoms, which didn’t work, I did a little googling to discover any other ideas. Apparently wheat allergy sufferers can be prone to a slight lactose intolerance and considering my diet consists of lots of yoghurts and milky teas I began to consider this further.

My nan has done an excellent job on a diet that Cheryl Cole also apparently follows surrounding importance of one’s blood type. I am 0-, the most sought after in the blood stakes may I just add. Comparatively rare and available to give to everyone. So after reading about type O’s it turns out we have extra stomach acid and consequently can have stomach troubles as a result of wheat and dairy.

So as from today I am taking to a wheat and dairy free diet to see if there’s any difference. Sigh. Hope it works as it is very difficult there are so many foods I have to avoid now, but I thought that blogging my progress would help me stick to it and if you give a damn you can enjoy my pain for entertainment purposes.

Wish me luck